Invisible Part I

I want to scream!! But the question is would I be heard, or would I just hurt my voice for nothing?

I was attacked. I was attacked by someone I trusted, someone who told me quite frequently that he "loves" me. You can imagine how that would screw a person up. At least, I thought that would be a normal conclusion to draw. Over the past few months however I question my own thoughts, feelings and reactions on the subject based on my mother's failure to think, feel, or react.
Let's rewind:
I, as I said, had a relationship with my attacker before the attack. I've known him and his family for years; we basically grew up together. His mom even called me her "other daughter." Which brings me to the actual daughter. She and I connected very soon after we first met. She was 16; I was 15. We soon became inseparable. I spent every weekend at her house and really becoming a part of the family. I forgot we weren't related. Years passed. We grew up, grew apart, but at the end of the day that bond we forged so long ago was still there, and I thought was permanent.
That all changed with him. It started innocent enough. We were old friends each going through hard times respectively. We were each emotional support for the other. Lines became blurred, limits were pushed and boundaries were crossed until finally the relationship became something I no longer recognized. There weren't the same light hearted hang outs there used to be and we were definitely past the stage of being "just friends". After some confusing weeks (well months more realistically) I realized how foolish the situation was, and knew I had to end the relationship. I tried. He attacked. My life has not been the same since.
The details are unnecessary at this point. This post is more about the back story and the aftermath more than the attack itself.
Back to today. The sister. My former bosom buddy now hates me. I'm not surprised by this. I don't expect anything different. I've tried to put myself in her shoes and I can't imagine I'd feel any differently if we were talking about her and my brother. Losing her friendship has been the hardest part. I've never had a friend like her before. Not having her in my life anymore has been devastating.
It's been over a year since the attack. When I say "my life hasn't been the same sense" it's not just a figure of speech. I have a new job, I go to a new church, and I don't have the same friends anymore. Everything's different now which has helped me put it behind me--but this is not something I will ever forget. Which brings me to this week.
How could she, the woman who loves me more than anyone else, the woman I confide in, cry to, depend on, how could my own mother forget? I haven't felt this kind of heartache (it's literally a physical pain in my chest) since initially going through it all. This feels the same.
I was talking to my mom this weekend and told her that I saw the sister and how hard and awkward it was for me. She asked me why it was so awkward. I said, "because she hates me..." and then my mom asked one simple question that felt like she punched me in the gut. She asked, "Why does she hate you?"
Seriously? Seriously? I spent quiet months in a dark, dark depression after what happened. Literally dark as I blacked out all the windows of my house and refused to talk to anyone unnecessarily. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I never slept in my bed again after that night. I had to get a new one.
 I drank myself sick. I have never been so depressed in my life.
I finally decided that I couldn't keep this secret anymore. I told very few people what happened and I instantly regretted it. After that I found a new job, a new church and tried to get a new life.

I feel like the whole thing was pushed under a rug and no one wants to talk about it. His family knows what happened and obviously assume I'm lying because he says that I am. My mother knows what happened and apparently forgot or doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be.

It's just been really hard. As time passes I think I'm getting better or feeling like myself again and then I see him or a member of his family and it floods back.

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I needed an outlet--I knew I would write about this horrible incident which is why my blog has such a limited (almost non-existent audience).
I was very intentional in choosing the name for my blog "Discovering Truth." Since everything happened I've learned so much about myself I've found some strengths and I see where I lack.
 The bible says in John 8:32 that "the truth will set you free."  I guess I'm looking for freedom and healing as I process everything. . .